I wanted to write today about something that has been on my heart for awhile now. When Woody and I decided to have children we agreed very early on that we did not want to find out the gender of the baby. I have never wanted to know and it was a huge relief for me to have a husband who felt the same. What I didn’t expect is the often rude and disrespectful reactions from others who don’t understand how someone could possibly do that! I think when I was pregnant with Carson it didn’t bother me as much because I was just so happy to be pregnant and that my childhood dream of being a Mother was coming true. This time around is a completely different story so I just wanted to share why we don’t care whether our child is a girl or a boy and neither should you. And let me first say that I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation because it is mine and Woody’s choice but I hope that it makes a few realize why some of your comments are hurtful and disrespectful to those who decide not to find out the gender of their baby.
As a little girl I dreamed of getting married and having and having a baby. That dream only intensified when my Mom became pregnant with my youngest brother, Tyler. My parents did not find out the gender of any of us and I just remember the excitement and anticipation we felt in the car on way to the hospital with Grandpa Howard and Grandma Lois. I remember saying “I hope it’s a girl, I hope it’s a girl” and Grandma Lois telling me not to get my hopes up just in case it was a boy. When we got to the hospital and I looked through that glass window and saw that precious baby boy, my 8 year old heart was disappointed it wasn’t a girl but I’m fairly certain I got over it the second I held him. It was that car ride, that anticipation that made me decide when I got older that I never wanted to find out the gender of any of my children. I wanted my own moment of surprise, that moment when the Doctor yells “It’s a BOY!” Or yells “It’s a GIRL!” I mean how exciting is that?
So when I got pregnant with Carson I spent almost 10 months building that moment up in my mind. I’d go through labor, do some pushing, the baby would come out and the Doctor would shout out whether it was a boy or a girl. As many of you know, that dream came crashing down when I was diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome just a few hours before giving birth. Sure, I went through the labor, did the pushing but it wasn’t enough. I had to be rushed into an Emergency C-section and I missed the birth of my first child because I had to be up under. I freakin MISSED IT. Not only that, so did Woody. I cannot even tell you how devastating that is. You go to sleep in the middle of a contraction and wake up in a room completely out of it and someone walks in and tells you that you had a baby. They lay that baby next to you on the bed, your husband opens the diaper and tells you “It’s a BOY!” But you can’t even be that excited. Because you missed it. Because you’re baby was born hours ago and this is the first time you are seeing him. DEVASTATING.
So when we got pregnant this time there was no question for either of us that we did not want to know the gender. I’m stubborn and I want my moment (just being honest). I want that surprise, that feeling of anticipation. But you know what I want more than anything? HEALTHY. A happy, healthy baby is all that matters to us. So when you ask me if I’m having a boy or a girl and when I tell you I don’t know and your jaw drops to the floor and you say “Oh my gosh, how could you possibly do that? I could never do something like that. How can you ever get ready for the baby to come?” It’s like you’re saying that I’m doing something wrong by keeping it a surprise. That I’m out of the ordinary for simply wanting a healthy baby, boy or girl. And what really gets me are the ones that actually give me a dirty look when they say those things. Believe it or not, there are still people in this world that LIKE surprises. That don’t need to know just because we can. A child is a BLESSING FROM GOD no matter what package it comes in. I mean honestly, what difference does it make now whether my baby is a boy or a girl? Nothing can truly prepare you for how a baby changes your life. Sure, you can have the nursery painted pink or blue or whatever color you choose and you can have a name picked out but that does that prepare you to be the most sleep deprived you have ever been in your life? Does it prepare you for the frustrations of breastfeeding? What about when that baby won’t stop crying? Or when people feel the need to tell you everything you are doing is wrong because it’s not the way they did it?
My point here with this whole post is that some of us look forward to the anticipation and excitement that not knowing whether your baby is a boy or a girl brings. That moment of surprise brings us an incredible amount of happiness. And some of us are just hoping for the word HEALTHY. Even if you didn’t have an experience like mine the first time around, I think we all just hope for a healthy baby. For me and my husband, we have complete faith that all of this is in God’s hands and that whatever we are blessed with is one of his greatest gifts to us and a blessing no matter what package our little bundle of joys comes in.
XOXO,
Linnea
