On July 25th we welcomed a beautiful baby girl to our family. So as you might suspect things have gotten a little crazy around here which is why I am just now sitting down to write this post! Having a newborn is a lot to handle by itself but add a 2 ½ year old into the mix and things really get out of control some days. Anyway, throughout my pregnancy I shared my struggle with HELLP Syndrome during Carson’s pregnancy and how my second pregnancy was progressing in comparison. So I thought it only fair to share our birth story.
First, a little backstory: As many of you know, I developed HELLP Syndrome later on in my pregnancy with Carson. Best we can tell, the first signs were present around 34 weeks (swelling in the face, hands and feet) and then intensified around 38 weeks with high blood pressure and severe pain in my upper right side. The end result was that I was deathly ill for several weeks and was induced. Just as an FYI, delivering the baby is the only way to begin to resolve HELLP Syndrome. Some scary things happened during my labor and Carson had to be delivered by emergency c-section. I was CRUSHED and had some difficulty emotionally connecting to my baby for about 24 hours. So when I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 I was determined to do anything I could to make sure this baby was born via a vaginal delivery or VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).
Now, on to the good part! I had a very healthy pregnancy this time around. I exercised and stayed as active as possible up until about 38 weeks or so. At that point, fatigue and back pain got the best of me. But I was still up and down a lot throughout the day, cleaning house and helping my husband with yard work. My doctor was keeping a close eye on my blood pressure as well as my platelet levels; both signs of pre-eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome. Fortunately both looked great the whole way through! However, at 34 weeks during a growth ultrasound we learned that Baby was breech. He or she was not full breech but horizontal so there was still a pretty good chance that he or she would turn head down and we could proceed with a VBAC as planned. I prayed A LOT that baby would turn; I had my heart so set on delivering naturally and avoiding a second c-section. Through asking friends on Facebook I learned that there were several things that I could do to try to get baby to turn. I ultimately decided that I would leave it up to God and just continued to pray for a healthy baby and a healthy delivery. My doctor said that I would most likely know if the baby turned on his/her own because I would feel a very large movement. Day in and day out I waited for that movement. Nothing happened.
On the morning of July 25th we went in for one last ultrasound to check on the position of Baby. Our hopes were high but deep down I knew this stubborn little baby was still breech. I was right. My first thought was to be disappointed but I knew God had other plans and I needed to trust them. My doctor informed us that a second c-section would be necessary at this point and we could come back at 5pm that day to meet our baby. My disappointment quickly turned to excitement but also fear. Last time I was put to sleep during my c-section but this time I would be awake. We were given instructions to go home and be back that afternoon at 3pm to check in and get prepped for surgery. At that time they would let us know what to expect and explain the procedure.
When Woody and I left the doctor’s office we were both just in shock a bit to think that in just a few hours we would be meeting our baby. Although it wasn’t going to happen the way we had hoped, the simple fact that we would BOTH be in the room and BOTH witness the birth of our child was really what we had hoped for. We went home, got our things packed, called family members and then spent a few hours with Carson; our last few hours as a family of 3. As we headed to the hospital around 3pm it just felt weird. I don’t really know any other way to describe it. I guess I felt that way because I had dreamt up a scenario where my water would break at home, we would rush to the hospital and the baby would be born in the heat of the moment.
We arrived at the hospital, got checked in and headed to my assigned room. First thing they had me do was change into the lovely hospital gown and remove all of my jewelry. Then the nurses came in and started all the routine things: hooking up the baby monitor, starting the IV, etc. Next the Anesthesiologist came in to explain how they would administer the anesthetic. He explained that they would be using a spinal, what he would do, how I would feel and what his role was during the surgery. I have to say….he was super cool and made me feel at ease immediately. My doctor came in a bit after that to check in and see how I was doing and explain a few more things. One thing that she told me was that it was going to be “really weird.” That I would feel them doing things but not feel any pain. Ok, now I was a bit freaked out again. The worst part was that after everyone was done coming in and explaining what they were going to do all we had to do was wait. That was probably the longest hour of my life.
Just before 5pm they came in and told me it was time to get this show on the road! They would get me completely prepped before bringing Woody into the operating room. Once he was in the room, the baby would come just a few minutes later. After we both had a chance to see the baby, he/she and Daddy would leave to go the nursery while they sewed me back up. Ok, so here is where things really get interesting (to me at least) and I’ll be as descriptive as I can. I am not ashamed to admit that I was scared SHITLESS when they wheeled me back into that operating room. The fear of the unknown was really starting to get to me. But I’m tough and I knew God was there with me.
If you’ve never been in an operating room let me just paint you a picture. It is extremely cold, very bright and there are nurses and doctors everywhere. You are wearing pretty much no clothes at all and probably feel just about as uncomfortable as one person can feel. So, they first asked me to get on this extremely narrow table. I had to sit up with my legs out in front of me, which at 39 weeks pregnant is not a very easy thing to do. The anesthesiologist then gave me step-by-step instructions of what he was going to do and how I would feel at every step. He let me know that he would be there for me the entire time. Anything I needed all I had to do was ask him. Have I mentioned yet that this guy was awesome? He made me feel so much at ease and made an awkward situation very comfortable. So they start just by scrubbing and cleaning all the areas where incisions are going to be made and where they would inject the spinal. They instructed me to lean over holding a pillow for support and the spinal began. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I felt one big sting and what kind of felt like an electric shock down my left leg. The doctor did some readjusting, I felt another small sting and then immediately felt my lower body start to go numb. If you have never had something like that done, let me tell you it is the weirdest sensation I have ever felt. You essentially are paralyzed from the chest down. I almost panicked trying to move my toes and I couldn’t do it. And then I about freaked out watching the nurses move my legs to the side and I couldn’t feel that either. I just remember being scared but trying to hold it together. The anesthesiologist told me that what I was feeling is very similar to how someone who is paralyzed feels. Talk about some perspective. What a humbling moment that was.
So once the spinal is in and you go numb the doctors are on a time clock. Things moved pretty quickly from there. I think there was probably 5-10 nurses and doctors in there at one point or another. I just remember lying there, shaking because I was so cold and wondering what was going on behind that draped curtain. Remember the awesome anesthesiologist? He saw me shaking and bless his heart went and got me a warm blanket to drape over my shoulders. That small act of kindness meant so much to me in that moment because I was still scared shitless. I cannot tell you enough how unsettling it is to not be able to feel your body and lying there staring at a curtain where you know behind it they are cutting you open. Weird. Once they brought Woody in I did feel a huge sense of relief. I grabbed onto his hand so freakin tight. I could tell he was nervous too but he would have never told me so. At this point, the anticipation kicked in….was baby a boy or a girl?
So let me take a break from the action for a second and talk about the fact that we did not know the gender of baby. ALL of the doctors and nurses were incredibly excited to find out that we didn’t know gender. Apparently it is a very rare occurrence these days and they were so excited to get to be a part of our big moment. Everyone was taking their last minute guesses and asking us what names we had picked out. Which at that point we did not have our names set in stone. The amount of anticipation in that operating room was through the roof!
Ok, back to it. So like I said they brought Woody in after I was completely prepped and ready to go. I grabbed his hand with a death grip and the doctors got to work. We were told it would 5-10 minutes from the time they started to the time the baby would be born. I don’t think I would have been as calm as I was at that point if Woody had not been in there and if everyone in the room wasn’t so excited to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. You could just feel the excitement in the room. After a few minutes my doctor announced that my water had been broke and that there was a lot of fluid in there. Then I heard suctioning….um, gross. And weird. After a few more minutes she told me that they were about to start pulling the baby out and she could now see that baby was definitely full breech and would be coming out feet first. I don’t think I have ever felt a great sense of anticipation in my life! We were just second away from meeting our baby. I felt some tugging, heard my doctor say that she could see what the gender was and then after what felt like eternity she held the baby up for us to see. I looked up to see the baby and Woody said “It’s a girl! We got our little girl!” And then I broke down in tears. That moment was one of the best moments of my life. Everyone in the room was excited, congratulating us and just seeing the huge smile on Woody’s face and hearing the excitement in his voice was just o
verwhelming. While they took our daughter to clean her up some the awesome anesthesiologist once again came to my rescue. He was right there, with Kleenex, wiping the tears from my face. When they gave her to Woody and I was able to see her up close the tears started rolling again. Just seeing that sweet face I fell in love right then and there. The nurses took a few pictures for us and let me kiss her and then it was time to take her to the nursery. So her and Daddy left and I was stuck to just lie there while they sewed me back up. Now let me tell you, that process only took about an hour (a little longer than normal because I had some bleeding on my uterus) but it felt like ETERNITY! All I could think about was holding my daughter yet all I could do was lie there until they were done. I tried to relax and fall asleep but with it being so cold and so bright in there it just wasn’t going to happen. Plus, you can feel them pulling and tugging on things. It was such a huge sense of relief for me when they said they were finally done and they were taking me back to my room where I could finally hold my baby.
It took them a few minutes to bring baby into the room so Woody and I just waited patiently. I’m not sure I can tell you what we talked about; there were so many things going throug
h my head. I mean I knew I had just given birth to a beautiful little girl but it didn’t feel like I had given birth. I mean most of my body was still without feeling. Just another reason why I was so hoping for a natural birth. But all that matters is that we had a HEALTHY baby and I remained healthy throughout the pregnancy.
For those of you who have had a baby you pretty much know how the rest of the story goes. They bring you your baby and ask that you keep them skin-to-skin for 1-2 hours and try breastfeeding as soon as possible. And then starts the poking and prodding every 2 hours. It’s funny how you think you are going to get so much more rest at the hospital than you do at home but I can tell you that has never been the case for me. The nurses are in and out every 2 hours checking your vitals, checking on baby, emptying IV (and other things) and asking you if you need anything. Definitely not their fault; they are doing their job, but frustrating for an exhausted Mommy and Daddy. Both of my children were born at the same hospital and both times we were treated wonderfully. I cannot say enough about the kindness, compassion and knowledge of the doctors and nurses who treated and cared for us during both of our stays.
To kind of sum things up here are my final thoughts about Harlyn’s birth. While I am disappointed that I will never get to experience natural childbirth from start to finish, I am forever grateful that God blessed us with two beautiful, healthy children. Having a c-section is not as easy and glamorous as people often make it sound. Sure, you don’t always go through the pains of labor but as you read above, there are many discomforts involved in the process. While the outcome of both of my c-sections has been perfect (the cutest babies ever!) I’m not sure that it is something I want to experience again. Lying on a table, vulnerable and scared, while people cut you open and you can’t feel your body is scary as hell. And it’s weird. And then there is the recovery from having your stomach cut open….another fun experience I won’t get into. Also, choosing not to find out the gender was hands down the BEST decision we made with both of our children. I know I talked about it above, but the anticipation of that moment was amazing. That feeling is something I don’t think either me or Woody will ever forget or ever be able to top. I know so many people say that there is no way they could go that long without finding out but trust me YOU CAN!! And I can say from experience that it is 110% worth it!
In closing I want to thank all of you who prayed for us throughout this pregnancy; it means more to us than you know. I hope by sharing our story it helps someone else to know that their fears surrounding childbirth are not irrational; we all have them no matter how many times we have been through it and no matter what the circumstances are. Now, stay tuned and follow me for my postpartum weight loss journey!!
XOXO,
Linnea
